Lets' Talk: Empathy

A few days ago I had to pull over for a firetruck and as the truck passed by me, I immediately thought about how there is someone out there who might be having the worst day of their life.

This thought process is relatively new for me honestly, something that has grown over the last three years. I used to never cry, it was a thing my family would say, "Oh she never cries". And it was true then. But it's not now. So much so, that the same family members that once told me that, now know that when a sad scene in a movie plays, I'll be sitting with tears and snot all over my face because I literally can't help it. I feel for the fictional characters on my screen.

And you know what? I love it. I LOVE being able to feel every single emotion so deeply that its embedded in my core. I love being empathetic and kind and passionate and loving and warm. Its everything I strive for in life, everything I look for in other people.

But at it's core, I think these moments are all because I've learned to embrace this beautiful thing called empathy. And as I've thought about how this came to be, I complied four main ways I've developed this skill. Because it truly is a skill.

In our current world, empathy is dying and we need to gain it back... quickly. We need to cherish it and nurture it. I hear people say they were just born empathetic and thats why they feel this or that. And I believe them. I do.

But I also think almost everyone is born with empathy. Some of us go through things in our lives that have caused our walls to fly so high, be so strong, that we are no longer in tune with our emotions. And if we aren't in tune with our emotions, how could we EVER be in tune with someone else's? Thats why I fully believe this is a skill (some more skilled than others). One we may be born with, but we also have to learn it and nurture it because life is NOT easy, and emotions are hard to handle, but empathy is a strength and its worth it entirely.

Four ways I've grown my empathy

1. Reading lots and lots of different books and genres.

   John Green once said that reading is so essential because it builds empathy.

   “My case for books is that they shrink the empathy gap, because when I read Catcher in the Rye, Holden Caulfield isn’t my friend or my spouse or my anything, [but] he is as close as I can come to being someone else.” -John Green, author of 'Fault in our Stars' And honestly? I've heard nothing truer. Reading is the closest thing we get to living in someone else's shoes. And it teaches us so so much about other perspectives to life, other cultures in our world, other emotions, lives, struggles, pain, ect., that we may never experience in our own life. But through books, we can gain a new eye to viewing the world that can change how you see everything. I have always been a big reader, but I honestly started to see the biggest change when I began to expand what I was reading. I began reading contemporary fiction, personal growth, history books, romance books, a mystery thriller book here and there. I even went back to some children's books too. I didn't like everything I read, but I learned something from every. single. one. And all of them have shaped me in some way.
   

2. Having vulnerable conversations with friends and family. This is so scary, but if I can give you the biggest way I improved empathy abilities? It would be that.

   I went through a really tough time a few years ago and it caused me to put up walls with everyone. I wasn't able to be fully honest about my life in any space. However I had a MAJOR life change which has GREATLY improved my life since then, but through the major change I was forced to have tough and honest conversations with so so many people. To the point that I ended up calling old friends just to tell them what was going on my life the last few years because I was so relieved I could finally be fully honest with people.

   And do you know what happened? I found out they were going through things as well. Some of them were almost the same situations as me.

   Do you know how it feels to share and realize that they were going through it and you didn't even know? It really put a LOT in perspective for me. By listening and being vulnerable enough that others began to share too, I realizes that we ALL have lives that people know NOTHING about. So we need to be kind to everyone. It's a cliche statement but it's true. I've lived it and I have listened to it and I've seen it. So be kind because you may never understand or know what someone is going through behind closed doors.

3. Learning about other cultures and societies and people. I have been so lucky in life to be able to not only live in multiple different places, but also to travel around the country. However, I know that my understanding of the world is still limited because I have only left America once. Now, America on its own is a HUGE country and there is SO much to learn about our history and the different cultures, and I encourage you to read and travel and explore that. But I also encourage you to do this with multiple countries and places and time periods too. Humans are so unique and so varied that I think if you've never done this, you will be shocked at how unique we all are. Some topic ideas to read up on or deep dive: - Beauty standards - Foods - Myths and folklore - Historical events - Religion One fun way to do this that I LOVE, is every holiday I research how everyone around the world celebrates differently. The food they eat, the things they wear, the parades or festivals or dances they have, the myths behind it all, the folklore they've passed down, if they celebrate at all. It's FASCINATING to me. You can learn so much from listening and reading and learning about other peoples lives.
   

4. Understanding and processing your own emotions. This one is hard and not always fun, but as I said earlier, you can't really be in tune with others, if you aren't in tune with yourself first.

   But how do we get in tune with ourselves? It takes time and effort. Talking with others, journaling, therapy, ect., are all ways to process these emotions. I also think taking time in nature, having reflection or quiet time to be with your inner thoughts and emotions. Something this day in age struggles with is quiet, alone time because we always have our screens with us. If we turn off our screen and have time to sit with ourselves, we can begin a healing process. Have you ever heard about inside emotions or outside emotions? There are some emotions that are very obvious to others how you are feeling. But the inside emotions are not as obvious to the outside world. These are the ones we need to step back and think about. In a world of screens and non-stop motion, we have a hard time putting into words what we are feeling in those moments. For example: If you are angry, that is probably obvious to people by your posture or facial expressions. However, what is the inside of that emotion? Are you confused? Embarrassed? Frustrated? Sad? Disappointed? Those are the ones we can't easily see but are the core of the outside emotion. Learning to pause and name those feelings is a great step to understanding your own own emotions.

   
   

My last words for you is that empathy is strength that many do not know. “One doesn’t have to operate with great malice to do great harm. The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient. In fact, a man convinced of his virtue even in the midst of his vice is the worst kind of man.”

― Charles M. Blow Lets be kind humans.

I love you all,

Brooklyn.