"I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig in the story...I wanted each and every one of them but choosing one meant loosing all the rest, and as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle, and go black, and, one by one, they plopped down at my feet." - Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar.
The fig tree analogy comes from the book, The Bell Jar, by Sylvia Plath. The basis of it represents choosing your core values and who you are in order to make decisions in a sea of options that this world gives us.
We live in a world where you can be so many things, yet if you don't decide on something you can quickly watch opportunities disappear, or 'wrinkle, go black, and fall at your feet.'
When I first heard this analogy, I fell in love with it. I felt so seen. Personally, I live with a thousand dreams and lives I wish to accomplish, knowing I cannot do it all. I suppose its the inevitable curse of being a young dreamer.
Of course, being a reader, I immediately went and read the whole book and the history of Sylvia Plath as well. I found it quite beautiful in a very tragic way. Despite the book being quite sad, it represented life as a women and how it can drive one to madness, to feeling as if your trapped in a bell jar. It was a great show of how it feels to be a women in your teen and adolescent years, with options but no idea on how to choose it all.
For Sylvia (or Esther as she goes by in the book), a women in the 1950's, she wanted to be a writer, but also felt pressure to settle down and be married with children. Pressure to have a regular job in an office, yet she wanted to travel and see the world. Her heart was pulled in a thousand ways yet she was told she was neurotic for she wanting two things at once.
And as Sylvia says in the book, "If neurotic is wanting two things simultaneously, then. I am neurotic as hell."
How does this apply to my life?
Its fair to say that most of us go through a sea of dreams and hopes for our lives, especially while we are young, but even when we get older too. An astonishing study showed that 95% of emerging adults believe they will accomplish all of their hope and dreams. However, that number dwindles quickly by the time we reach out thirties.
But just because we reached our thirties, doesn't mean we can't still accomplish our dreams.
I think a lot of us fall into the thinking trap by by our 30's our life needs be figured out and our dreams accomplished but thats not always the case. You have time. Putting a cap on the age you accomplish your dreams adds an extra, unnecessary layer of pressure to choose the right dream and not make mistakes.
Choosing Our Dreams
The hardest part of picking a dream is the amount of options. The vast sea of choices in this world is mind boggling, and can often feel restrictive. It's actually a true fact that the more options you've been given, the unhappier you will be in your choice, because you will always wonder if what you choose was the right one.
But how do we know that we are choosing the right one? We may not, we may choose the wrong path a few times but thats okay, there are other options. You have time.
"WHO IS SHE?"
The best way to avoid the panic of choosing the wrong pathway, or feeling like you're running out of time to do it all, is getting to know yourself. What are you're values, what do you want you're life to look like at 70 years old, then trickle down from there. What your left is what you should make action plans for. Find what dreams matter the most to you, which ones align with those values, match up with the person you want to be, or the life you want to build.
Here are some "Who is she" journal prompts to begin with....
How does she dress?
What does free time look like?
What are her wellness habits?
What is her weekly routine?
What are her boundaries?
Where is she living?
What does she consume from media?
Who is she dating?/Married to?
How do people treat her?
What does her social profile look like?
Who is her inspiration?
How much money does she have?
The conclusion
When is comes to the fig tree, Sylvia says how she couldn't choose a path, and so she watched as the opportunity passed her by. I think its important to remind you that YOU HAVE TIME. Learning who we are is a continuous lesson. We are always finding new aspects to ourselves and that is normal.
However, if you are always stuck in freeze mode, unable to choose anything or try towards anything, you may watch as your figs wither and die.
So try. Give yourself grace, make mistakes, fail, and try agin.
You have time to fail and try again.
And you may not accomplish everything but you can accomplish something. Or many somethings.
Start small, and go from there.
Have a lovely day!
Brooklyn.
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