Learning to be Vulnerable

"Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable but they're never weaknesses." -Brené Brown

Happy May everyone! Today's blog is a only five minute read, so stay with me through the end because I have something to say that I think will benefit every single person no matter who you are. But first, can you believe how fast this year is flying by? Personally it has felt so quick, I wish I had a way to slow down a bit. May is actually a special month because it is Mental Health Awareness month, something I am deeply passionate about. I’d like to keep this awareness on our minds as we continue to this months topic.

My last few weeks have been full of ups and down and twists I wasn’t quite expecting, but at every turn this past month I ran into the subject of vulnerability. At the start of the month I was having a conversation with a group of amazing girls and the topic was "How does vulnerability benefit us? And how can we identify the safe people to be vulnerable with?" And let me tell you it was a topic that kept my thoughts rolling long after our hour long call. So I journaled about it, and then just moved on of course.

However a few days later, I was at a meeting with other college aged girls and the leader gave us a book to read about building a community in an independent based society. And lo and behold one of the first steps mentioned was vulnerability. Which made me think... how can we have an honest, loving, caring relationship, if we can’t even share what is going on in our lives? We can’t! 

Why be vulnerable?

To me, there are two main reasons to focus energy towards vulnerability. First, building relationships. As I mentioned earlier, its hard to build a healthy relationship and keep it healthy, if you are not able to share what is truly happening in your life or how you are truly feeling. I am in a stage of building new relationships while also trying to keep old ones alive. This comes with vulnerability on all sides, and it’s honestly really scary. So I made this little plan, I was going to start small with a new friend and be honest about how much I love hanging out with her and how happy I am to be her friend. It’s not big but it’s honest and it’s scary to admit to someone new. But guess what? She beat me to it! About halfway through our dinner, she smiled and said, “I’m so glad we are friends.” And I immediately felt closer to her. Along with shock that she took the words right from my mouth, all I could think was how cool it was to see the effects of vulnerability from the other side. It felt like a wave of reassurance that our friendship will continue to grow and I left dinner with the biggest smile.

Now remembering back to what month it is, Mental Health Awareness Month. I think vulnerability is one of the best ways to not only begin healing but also to raise awareness. The act of sharing what is going on in your life, not only brings you to the next step on your journey, as admitting a struggle is often one of the hardest steps in a healing process, but also it allows those around you who are also struggling to feel a little less alone. I’m sure you’ve had the thought that “no one else has ever been through what I am going through right now.”, at least I know that I’ve had that thought before and I was so so wrong. It took a while, but after a year or two of slowly sharing my struggles and my story, I found that so many I knew, even some of my closest friends, were going through the same or similar situations to me. Your own friends may be struggling and you may not even know it. This is why I think vulnerability is one of the fundamentals of human connection, and as connection is my word of 2025, I am diving deeper into this topic. Our stories bond us, but we will never know the depth until we share them.

How to begin vulnerability

Vulnerability is by no means a quick step by step process, it’s a skill you will slowly build, that takes time to harness and be comfortable with (if comfort ever does come). But I have tried to break it down into easier chunks to swallow. 

1. Find your safe people. This is a hard one, how to know who is safe to share with. But I say give people a chance, start small, and know what your limits are. Someone that won’t judge you, who will listen to what you have to share, someone who will be there to comfort you, and will stay by your side. 
   

2. Start Small

   You don’t need to share anything big to start this vulnerability. Like I mentioned before, even telling a new friend that you enjoy their company is an act of vulnerability, especially if you are just getting to know them. Share honest feelings, then grow from there.
   

3. Note the reactions Note how your people react, if they are listening and the response they give you. That will give you a clue as to who a safe person is and if they are someone that you are able to build this vulnerable relationship. I think its also important to note that not everyone will react how you assume, especially if its not a topic they are expecting, but that doesn't mean they aren't safe. Sometimes people need a forewarning for bigger subjects, so use your best judgement on time/place for more vulnerable conversations.
   

4. Do it until it becomes comfortable Okay, it may never feel 100% comfortable if I am being honest but it can become a learn habit and skill. And that is the comfort I am discussing here, the comfort I want for both you and I. Keep working on your vulnerability, it's strength to be honest about your experiences and feelings. Don't give up, even if things don't go the right way.
   

5. If something goes wrong, don’t give up, try a different route.  Listen, we aren’t perfect. Nor is anyone else. Sometimes who we think is safe, may turn out to not be safe, but that has NO reflection on you. If something ends badly, don’t give up on this vulnerability. Rethink it, find new people, try again. Or, be vulnerable and tell the person how they broke your trust. If they respond well, keep that person... if they don’t, then you know they may not be your safe people. And that’s okay, there is someone out there that wants to have that deep, understanding connection with you. 
   

I hope this message brings some hope and guidance into your life. Remember that sharing is not a weakness, even though you may feel terrified, it is a strength. One that may take time to learn, but I believe in all of you!

Have a happy May, B.