Toxic relationships are not always the most comfortable subject to talk about but they are necessary one. Toxic relationships can be described in many different ways because of how diverse and unique every situation is. For many people, it can be hard to even recognize when they are in a toxic relationship making it hard for them to see a need to leave the relationship. So, instead of giving a talk on what toxic relationships are, we are going to give you all a list of things to look for to recognize toxic relationships. This list is important for any person to have wether they are in a relationship right now or not. It is always better to have the knowledge than to go into a relationship blindly or stay in a toxic relationship unknowingly. It is also important to remember that there are many different relationships that can be toxic. Meaning, it doesn't have to be a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner, it can be your friend or a friend group in general.
There are a few red flags in relationships that often can point to a toxic relationship. These are things to look out for in relationships because it might be a sign that this is a toxic relationship and not healthy for you. This list is not a full list because relationships are not "one size fits all". Each relationships is a little different so it would be impossible to cover all the possible red flags but these are some common ones in toxic relationships.
1. Friends and family disapprove of the relationship: The first one is that your friends or family don't approve of the relationship. Sometimes, being in the relationship makes you blinded to what is happening but the people who care about you, friends and family, can see when something is wrong with the relationship because they have an outsiders view.
2. Isolation from friends or family: The second sign of a toxic relationship is this person is isolating you from people you love. If this person truly cares about you, why would they take you away from people you love? The toxic person might feel as if the friends and family will show disapproval and you might listen to them. If this person is isolating you, that means they are in control of you and your life and that is unhealthy. YOU control your life, not someone else.
3. Punishment: A healthy relationship means everyone is equal, no one has a domination over the other. Someone having the idea that they can punish you, of any kind, means they have the idea they are above you and you are not equals. Punishment means they feel they have the control over you and your life. No healthy relationship should have punishment within it.
4. Telling you what you want: This one is important because if someone is telling you what you want, they are trying to take control over you. As said before, no one else but YOU should control your life. YOU know what is best for you and YOU know what you want more than anyone else in your life.
5. Trying to change you: People change naturally, but someone forcing you to change is life altering and not healthy. These toxic people can begin by changing little things about you like what you wear, until you are no longer yourself but a creation of this toxic person. No one should change you but you. Change happens naturally and should never be forced by someone else.
6. Taking your opinion away on things involving you: If you are involved in a situation, you have every right to have an opinion. It is human nature to have an opinion, especially if you are involved, and no one should try to take away your opinion. Someone that says "It's not your opinion" on things involving you, is a toxic person and is not healthy for your life.
7. Changing your morals: Morals are core beliefs, and should not be changed by someone other than you. Someone that has so much control that they change your morals, is someone who is controlling you and your life. Healthy relationships do not have someone controlling the other. This is a big one because often times toxic people reshape your morals and core beliefs before you can realize what has happened.
8. Tracking you or keeping tabs on you: Checking in on you once in a while is fine but tracking your phone, or constantly asking where you are and who you are with, is unhealthy. Someone that is tracking your life and keeping tabs on you is mentally draining. It is another control issue and as mentioned already, you control your life, not anyone else.
9. Always placing the blame on you: Always blaming you for every situation gone wrong, is a toxic trait and mentally abusive. In healthy relationships, people should be able to take fault when they are wrong and not place blame on you.
10. Manipulating you: Any manipulation of any kind, is unhealthy and wrong. This is a major one! This can range from dishonesty to threats and gaslighting you. Manipulation is used to control you and keep you from leaving relationships. This is a major, major, major toxic trait and should be avoided in relationships at all costs!
It is important to talk about the effects that toxic relationships can have on you as well. Some effects could be...
Depression
Trama
Trust issues
Changes in your ideas of what you "deserve"
Finding yourself in more bad relationships
PTSD of abuse (mental or physical)
A lack to live
AND MORE! These are just a few of the possible effects of toxic relationships.
Because of these possible effects, finding ways to heal is super important. Wether that is going to a therapist to help you through it or that is talking to loved ones about what you went through and going through, it is important to find some way to heal yourself so you can deal with those effects.
If you read these and found that one of your relationships falls into this toxic relationship category, it is important to take a step back and reflect on this relationship. If you end up breaking off a toxic relationship, it is important to cut it off completely. Keeping the idea of this person could lead you to forgive them and let the relationship rekindle itself. Rekindling a toxic relationship, just gives that person more power and control over you. You deserve a healthy relationship, not a toxic relationship.
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