When The Seed of Doubt is Creeping In

Happy August! This is not a typical blog post of mine, but this is a topic that came to me a few weeks ago and I felt it important enough to share.

A few months ago friends of mine went to an event called Passion. One friend kept sending me quotes and pieces from what she was learning and then told me I could watch some of the speakers online so I did. One that really stuck out to me was a conversation with Cliff Knechtle and Louie Giglio.

In this, Cliff laid out reasons to believe in God. 

1. There’s too much order and design in the world for God NOT to exist. Look at nature or the cosmos or our bodies. 

2. Our feelings show us there are intangible things that exist. 

3. We have similar morals and meaning across humanity suggesting that there must be a larger guide.

I LOVED this. And I found over the next month to be going back to those ideas whenever a seed of doubt was infiltrating my mind. So I took his list and I just began to expand them. If the world is so precise… Give me examples, SHOW me where it is. A blanket statement can only hold so much, but if I can apply that to something personal in my life, it becomes more sturdy. 

I started to look for PROOF that I could rely on whenever I was feeling doubtful. Because I think if we are honest, everyone has moments where it feels like a whisper of doubt in the back of our minds. 

Now truly, I don’t think sharing my full list would do you any good. Most of what it is, are moments that mean something to ME. To you they may mean nothing. 

However there is one that I do want to share because it is so funny how God works. Most of my list is from the last two years. However I have a few that are not. A few that as I looked for proof of God, I saw things in my memories too. 

One of which is from an inconsequential moment in my high school biology class. We were looking at plant cells through a microscope, after spending the week learning about cells. In my school, we weren’t supposed to have our phones out, however I felt this need to capture this moment. I felt like I needed to be able to look back at these plant cells for whatever reason. And I wanted to share it with everyone I knew too. So I hastily took my phone, held it up the microscope and captured this photo, before quickly shoving my phone away into my back pack again.

I took this photo in October of 2019. Hardly ever looked at it again. 

After watching that conversation from Passion 2026 with Cliff Knechtle and Louie Giglio, I remembered this photo. I scoured through my phone until I found it again. 

Look at this photo. 

This is unedited, raw beauty of God. Do you see those intricate lines? That’s the cell walls, holding the plant and the cells together. How COOL??! Do you see how precise and intricate this is? I think of Cliff’s first point… There’s too much order and design in the world for God NOT to exist. 

And then I look at this photo and I not only hear those words, I SEE those words. 

I have looked at this photo NUMEROUS of times just to remind myself of God’s intricate hand in our lives since then. It made it to my list when I am struggling. One small moment YEARS before I believed in God and became a Christian, has helped me so much. 

Which is another point on my list. How intricate is that story? That a photo that I never looked at but felt it important enough to break a rule over it (As a chronic rule follower), has helped me! Has come back into the story of my life! A random biology class in high school where the teacher likely has forgotten me entirely, and has most definitely forgotten that specific day of class. It has come to mean something important to ME. 

On the topic of doubt, something I once heard that has stuck with me is doubt is NOT the opposite of faith. Unbelief is the opposite of faith. Look at Peter when he was walking on water with Jesus… there was a moment of doubt. But Peter BELIEVED in God. He was an apostle of Jesus!! Or even Thomas who is called doubting Thomas! It's okay to doubt at times, but what do you do with your doubt? Are you living by your doubt? Or are you living by God and giving your doubt to Him? Trusting that He is in control? He is there for you in those hard moments?

I say this to say, to look at my list of ‘Proof’ is one thing, but the most important thing I do when I am having a hard moment of doubt, is turning to God. Turning to His word and the scriptures. My young adult leader and youth pastor at my church talked about the idea of leaning on God. And how when we lean on God and we fall, we will be falling into His hands, a safe space. But if we aren’t leaning on God, then where are we falling? So if you are struggling, lean on Him. That is what I am learning to do. Anyways, I hope this can give you some words and ideas to chew on.

As always, if anyone ever wants to talk or share a story or you have questions, please never hesitate to reach out to me or send a DM on Instagram @beeveryera. I love having conversations and I love learning from others. Let's keep growing together.

I would say I'd see you back here next month but I have a secret...I'll see you again in two weeks.

All my love, 

B.